summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
