Is it because I queefed?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
