they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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