Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
