I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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