I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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