maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
