i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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