you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
time to smoke my breakfast
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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