So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
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Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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