is your mom at the bar?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
