Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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