This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
