This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
