I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
