I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
