I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
