I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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