you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
