Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
