I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
