How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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