Can Purell be used as lube?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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