Will you blow on my dice?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
