I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
