im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
