I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize