He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
