No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
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our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
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Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.