I faked an abortion last night.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
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I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
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Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..