If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.