Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth. http://tfl.nu/a6mm
  Replies (36) Good night (2801) Bad night (1145)
• Favorite

  (334): View more from Alabama

  I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (334): I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves. http://tfl.nu/rn3o
  Replies (41) Good night (12631) Bad night (1644)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (701): that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon http://tfl.nu/7qfo
  Replies (20) Good night (3457) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (917): I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying http://tfl.nu/unbu
  Replies (12) Good night (1047) Bad night (6225)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (231): Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week http://tfl.nu/unwi
  Replies (4) Good night (2640) Bad night (833)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots. http://tfl.nu/ta1s
  Replies (10) Good night (1296) Bad night (1751)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits http://tfl.nu/0tzr
  Replies (6) Good night (804) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth http://tfl.nu/uojr
  Replies (8) Good night (1375) Bad night (513)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.

  (281): View more from Texas

  That does show growth.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (832): This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex. (281): That does show growth. http://tfl.nu/3swa
  Replies (1) Good night (989) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (607): There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor. http://tfl.nu/j4bf
  Replies (13) Good night (2612) Bad night (711)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings? http://tfl.nu/b1ds
  Replies (3) Good night (776) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (775): note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86 http://tfl.nu/7n4b
  Replies (0) Good night (307) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up.... http://tfl.nu/j4oi
  Replies (3) Good night (631) Bad night (262)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (904): The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong http://tfl.nu/o3xm
  Replies (9) Good night (658) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (317): debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day. http://tfl.nu/zfsn
  Replies (1) Good night (345) Bad night (192)

Randomize