from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"