I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
barbara walters just said penis...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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