i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
