i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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