So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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