She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
How's work?
Spinning.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I need a burrito and a hug.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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