I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
