oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
