I bet he comes in French.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
