Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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