I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
