I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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