He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
