It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
