Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
