It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
