I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
