He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
