If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
