You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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