I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
