Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
