Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
