Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
