Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
