I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
