did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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