don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
jump out the window naked night went bad
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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