Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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