he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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