3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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