remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
