sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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