The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
