used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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